That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
