I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
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