I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Randomize