Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
