dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
