Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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