I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Holy sore nipples Batman
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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