I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
