dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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