So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
