yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
