my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize