omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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