I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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