he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
