In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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