He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
