This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
