My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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