Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
