Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
