Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
