I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
