He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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