Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize