just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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