Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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