She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
