help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
