return my video game
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
