did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
