When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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