I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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