my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
There r osticjed everywhere
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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