My sheets look like a crime scene.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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