Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
