everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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