White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize