Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
are you so shy because you have an std?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
