I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
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