There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
We have started to decorate penises.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
