also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
