TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
