sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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