Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
