I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
