She said her name was "party"
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
