You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize