I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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