saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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