i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
