we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
