so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
