Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
