I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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