ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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