I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
