5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
