he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
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