Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
