I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
A+ Viking dick
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
