He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
