you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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