I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
