I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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