Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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