Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
