he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Randomize
